Let’s rethink our circumstances. Notice I say rethink. Because we can’t refeel, we must readdress our circumstances with our logic, not our emotions. Our feelings will catch up eventually. This might seem to lack sensitivity, but it will work out in the end toward our new end goal of happiness.
Our circumstances stink but telling ourselves that gets us nowhere. That attitude has to go! We must try to impose our rationality over our (certainly valid) emotions. We do this by comparing our circumstances to those of others. When you feel broken, once you’ve taken the time to grieve, compare your circumstances to those of a hungry African child, a California resident devastated by wildfires, or an exhausted refugee. I like to think of it as “They would be disappointed that I’m not enjoying what I have.” I find it especially insulting if I’m complaining about a first world problem. It takes a certain audacity for me to complain about an 8 a.m. class when there are 700 million people under the poverty line, who would love to be where I am. My coffee might be cold, but I can get over it. I say “At least ---” and I try to fill in the blank with something new.
I like to think of it as “They would be disappointed that I’m not enjoying what I have.”
Somehow, we do the opposite of this healthy comparison process. We compare ourselves to those more fortunate and are somehow surprised when we end up miserable. We laser-focus on other people’s talents, gifts, or blessings, and get jealous. I do this all the time. It’s unhealthy and never does me good. I should stick to the other comparison, the kind that says “It could always be worse,” and keeps the spirits up. This is one of the many tricks you can use to re-frame problems for a more positive mindset.
There is another type of comparison that is healthy, though. Sometimes, we can compare ourselves to those who seem to be doing well, who have positive virtues we desire, and end up inspired. We implement positive changes to imitate their success. This is, of course, fantastic! Keep it up! However, we often think we’re inspired by a gym transformation post when we’re really showing signs of envy or self-hate. If these kinds of post inspire you, great. If they don’t inspire you, they might be nurturing unhealthy emotions instead. If that happens, it’s time to dare to bring up the UNFOLLOW hammer and take some unhealthy things off your feed! Get passionate, go over the top! I promise you, you won’t miss those things.
Lesson: Watch how you use comparisons. Avoid negative comparisons that make you jealous. If these poor comparisons come from social media, take drastic steps and unfriend/unfollow.
Next time you’re facing difficulty, make a positive comparison and try to understand the context that you’re in. Tell yourself “At least ---” and fill in the blank.
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