Somehow, we as a culture have convinced ourselves that this notion of sustained joy is only found within fairy tales or fantasy. We’re led to believe that “happy people” are either foolish, naive, or lying. I’ve been called those things just for being joyful and positive. I’ve lost count of the number of times my coworkers told me to wait until I’m grown and part of the ‘real world’- where, apparently, every ‘grown’ or ‘sensible’ person is grumpy and cynical. When they spout bitterness, they call themselves realists, or worse, they think themselves mature. No! Why would you choose to be a battered realist when you could be an optimist? I’d rather be joyous than fit your depressing standard of ‘sensible’ or ‘mature!’ I’d rather have joy than be ‘honest’ or ‘intelligent’ as a realist. This joy is far more important to me than ostentatious sensibility or half the other things this culture seems to value. Let’s learn to seek true joy.
Some people think this is unattainable or a job for other people. Instead, they simply aim for mild contentment and consequently end up tolerating their own borderline unhealthy attitudes. When we aim for mild contentment we end up making odd decisions, like treasuring things that hurt our joy. Don’t believe me?
We post instagram pictures but hate how many likes we get. We prove stunning points in arguments online but damage relationships. We don’t dance because we don’t want to look stupid.
This is crazy! We simply value the wrong things. The first step to change it is to set our sights higher than mild contentment. When we do that, and set our sights for joy, we focus less on things the culture says to value, like pride and our perfect public image.
Those things start to take lower priorities in our life, even though we might see them as good. Maybe perfect selfies are great, and boost your self-confidence, but maybe they actually feed unhealthy thoughts or body image issues. Pride and image can be healthy, but only inasmuch as they bring you joy. The same goes for anything. I’ll pull up a youtube video before bed because winding down is healthy. Then 3 hours later, it’s 1 am and the video is vulgar sedation. It’s no longer bringing me joy and it’s no longer healthy. We need to reconsider what we attribute as bringing us happiness and be ready to drop this out of our lives. My last post is an example of this. I used to think sad music to match my mood was relaxing. Then I realized it was negatively affecting my life and so I made a drastic change and switched to happy songs for a year.
I’m suggesting we change our priorities to value true happiness more. This is how we avoid the trap of cheap thrills. As you try and reprioritize, remember this means giving some things up.
It’s gonna be drastic and it’s gonna be crazy, but remember, being happy makes you happy, regardless of what crazy steps you took to get there. It’s worth making drastic changes and trying crazy things if it could help your mental health. Looking like an idiot is worth a shot!
Being happy makes you happy, regardless of what crazy steps you took to get there.
This is the core of Project Positivity. You must value happiness to the point that you make sacrifices for it. It’s possible, and once you do, it will pay off in crazy dividends. Joy is not just in fairy tales.
Now that I’ve addressed the why of positivity, I’ll move on to the what, starting with managing our attitudes instead of our circumstances.
Lesson: Joy is worth it. Try to find elements of your life which are only cheap thrills and not the real thing. On a more practical note, try to mentally call out negativity that you see or do today. There’s nothing healthy in negativity!
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